The M-Ranking Vs. Unblocking
THE M-RANKING
The Pursuit of The Perfect M-Ranking is comprised of a hierarchy or pecking order. Some gay men subscribe to this either as it pertains to themselves personally, or as it relates to their pursuit of other gay men that they hope and expect to associate with in various capacities.
The 5 M’s (masculinity, manhood, model looks/muscles, money/materialism and mainstream appeal) are often stringent areas of scrutiny that combine to form a rating or “market value.” Some gay men may adhere to this construct more than others as they emphasize these values or traits to assess and scrutinize other gay men as well as themselves.
The Five (5) "M’s" Of Idealized Gay Male Perfection:
In likely order of perceived importance:
- Masculinity- The ultimate value or outlier for some gay men. Some perceive this as an ability to "pass as straight." The act of judging how “gay” or how effeminate some fellow gay men are, is sometimes a manifestation of underlying self- loathing and criticism of their own gayness.
- Manhood- Penis size equates more power, by deeming a higher potential quality and caliper of maleness (outlier of masculinity). Manhood tends to receive heavy focus amongst gay men, even in a somewhat humorous, yet snarky judging capacity.
- Model Looks and Muscularity- "Above average" aesthetic appearance and physique is another superficial evaluation that is not reasonably obtainable by most gay men. Looking like a professional model would otherwise be limited to professional models, which the vast majority are not. Having a chiseled ultra-fit perfect physique is also not realistic for most, including most gay men.
- Money and Materialism- May be used in conjunction with material items, and offers a means to essentially purchase a way into various situations or status; it can compensate for other deficiencies. Power and connections may indicate status and thus a higher desirability. The trappings of materialism include beautiful cars, homes, clothes, trips, and sometimes associating with sex workers or escorts.
- Mainstream Appeal- The ability to broadly and successfully blend in with both gay and straight environments/communities is an appealing trait in the GMC. Mainstream appeal also includes a favorable, above-average attribute of popularity, charisma, and likability, reminiscent of a more high school- or adolescent-like stage of development and social norms, where there is predictable popularity competition.
Unblocking
Components of the Unblocking
Factor (U-Factor)
Positive proactive values and goals that can challenge and manage blocking:
- #1 Internal Satisfaction vs. External Approval
- #2 Informed and Insightful to achieve self-acceptance
- #3 Integrity and Humility vs. Insincerity and Shallowness
- #4 Independence and Individuality vs. Cloning and Conforming
- #5 Intimacy vs. Blocked Superficiality
The M-Ranking Valuation consists of more superficial qualities and values and is generally predicated on a need for external approval.
In contrast, the U-Factor is reflective of a valuation of internal satisfaction. The Unblocking Factor, or U-Factor supports a personally systemic goal of achieving internal satisfaction; it is an empowering set of positive values and goals that can be utilized to mindfully manage and challenge blocking. The theme of the M-Ranking reinforces a hypervaluation of mostly unachievable idealistic traits of nongayness and masculinity levels; this includes other superficial values which can feel like an incessant need for achieving a level of perfection or external approval or both.
The U-Factor includes a summary of interrelated components that cultivate internal satisfaction. Ideally, there is an emphasis placed on internal focus vs. external, without being narcissistic, egotistical or dismissive of others. The goal is to maximize inner contentment to achieve self-acceptance as opposed to seeking external approval.
Emphasis On The U-factor Instead Of The M-ranking:
Internal Satisfaction Versus External Approval
Achieving internal satisfaction and self-acceptance decreases a need for external approval; maximizing the U-Factor components is the antithesis of striving for the more superficial M-Ranking, which is mostly based on aesthetics and materialism. Unblocking requires a focus on self-acceptance that is not contingent on outside evaluation and approval-seeking and does not entertain being heavily scrutinized by other gay men.
Some gay men develop pervasive distorted thinking, usually stemming from historically erroneously learned messages; this convinces them that somebody else, whether it is parents, teachers, peers, or other gay men, for example, must validate and approve of them in order for them to be okay. The M-Ranking is primarily based on visual aesthetics and external approval that are not completely irrelevant; however, they are also not the ultimate precedence when considering the U-Factor’s prioritization of internal satisfaction.
