About the Book
"Gay boys learn that being perceived as “normal” can potentially provide a sense of security, safety, and sometimes supremacy. By adolescence, many gay teens stand to be penalized and humiliated, if not personally alarmed, by their own natural attraction to the same sex."
What is You’ve Been Blocked About?
You’ve Been Blocked includes the author’s frank raw description; Joseph candidly, yet thoughtfully, describes and depicts what many gay men experience as children and into adulthood. This discussion includes explanation and analysis of the longer term ramifications of being different in this capacity, or as the book refers to as “gay-normal” versus “straight-normal.”
The book delves in to three “dimensions” of blocking, starting with parents at home, and expanding to school, community or similar factors outside the home; a surprising additional set of challenges is often incurred upon entering some variation of a gay male community (GMC) within the LGBTQ+ (Lesbian, Gays, Bisexuals, Transgender and Questioning) community.
You’ve Been Blocked is a historical, present, and future-enhanced analysis of commonly observed dynamics and related interactions among gay men. It is also a navigation tool for gay men and those who wish to understand them better. Learning from this discussion and analysis may improve the process of unlocking and unblocking, thus empowering the gay man’s journey toward improved insight and internal acceptance.
You’ve Been Blocked is a discussion and analysis about parts of the dynamics within the sometimes obscure lives of gay men. The book explores various ways gay men are impeded or blocked from experiencing a comparable childhood to their heterosexual, “straight” peers. Authentic self-development is blocked during childhood for many gay boys, creating a higher propensity for mental health, emotional and social distress continuing into adulthood. Gay boys and gay teens generally do not experience a sense of basic validation, which blocks customary development. Being blocked in this capacity generates a higher likelihood for dysfunction as adult gay men, including depression, anxiety, self-esteem and interpersonal problems, and addictions. Blocking can also increase risk of characterological issues, such as various implications of narcissism or a “narcissistic spectrum.”
THE M-RANKING 5 M’s AND SEARCH FOR PERFECTION
The 5 M’s of the M-Ranking include:
- Masculinity
- Manhood (endowment)
- Model looks/muscles
- Money and materialism and
- Mainstream appeal/general popularity
Some gay men in the GMC apply a superficial personal and interpersonal rating system, referred to here as “the M-Ranking” valuation. Higher worth is commonly placed on being perceived as more masculine and less identifiably gay; this includes having greater ability to naturally pass for straight or be considered “straight-acting.” The M-Ranking can be thought of as a type of “market value” that some gay men will utilize to rate themselves and other random or specific gay men. The 5 M’s are predominantly based on exacting aesthetic superficial qualities that are not easily obtainable by most gay men.
Even with increased awareness, tolerance and improved legal and political equality (not equity), some gay men continue to be at risk for being shunned and subjugated by family or society. Childhood and adolescent blocking may later persist into adulthood and can be intensified by varied interactions with other gay men within the GMC.
GOALS OF YOU’VE BEEN BLOCKED:
- It is an explanatory, proactive resource guide for and about gay men
- Identifying the impact of hypercritical scrutiny of gay men
- Increase awareness and understanding about how and why many gay boys are/were damaged.
- Promote modification and clarification in the thinking of gay men and “mainstream” (straight) society about the dynamics in the GMC.
BACKGROUND
There is still substantial ignorance about gay boys/men.
Society, including a portion of families of gay boys/men, has generally been ignorant and sometimes hateful and intolerant of gay men.
Treatment of gay men has improved, but they are still not treated the same as straight men and likely never will be.
Society has become more exposed to gay men as more gay men live openly gay lives, creating increased awareness of different sexual orientations; however, gay men still have a higher likelihood of facing negative stigmas, biases, and prejudices.
Blocking creates profound differences for gay men compared to straight men.
Gay boys suffer multiple ramifications of blocking;
they are blocked in many ways from being their true selves during critical stages of child development.
Gay boys and, later, gay men, engage in self-repression.
After childhood when they were “damaged by default.”
Gay men are not always effectively insightful.
Being blocked profoundly interferes with authentic development. Young, developing gay boys often do not fully understand the scope of how they are blocked at the time.
